Troy Phillips did for the Dallas Star-Telegram today. (Thanks to Geoff Shackelford for the find.) And he correctly cites that more guys on Tour probably have a problem with alcohol than illicit drugs. While I disagree that drug testing is a bad idea, the column is pretty fun and edgy. He alludes to my rationale (which is generic, not unique):

Maybe it started when baseball, cycling and track and field scandals, as well as national drug surveys indicating widespread steroid use among high school athletes, became a high-profile issues in sports.

I think this pushed the issue more than anything. Tiger calling for drug testing got the ball rolling for golf, but it was the Mitchell Report, Floyd Landis, and every track star on Earth doping that made the Tour do it. They had to prove that they were clean. In all honesty, I think that the Tour will largely prove clean – especially since you can’t accurately test for HGH. You might find a few guys on Beta blockers, but the Tour gave so much forewarning that only an idiot would get caught. It will make the Tour look good, and then drug testing will go away.

Well, Jim Moriarty at Golf Digest ventured to a private North Carolina firm to find out for himself. It’s a short piece, and pretty amusing. It could have used more pictures of Anne Hathaway – who he references – but that’s ok. That’s what Google is for, right?

Anyway, I’m hoping that in the next few days, we will see some stories or testimonials come out about the testing experience that begins this week at Congressional. Still, for many people, they have been drug tested for their jobs. Scientists, federal agents, plant workers – pretty much any livelihood. Why are these guys complaining then?

Is it that they’ll be watched giving the sample? Perhaps, after all, that is a bit invasive. Moriarty didn’t experience that. Then again, it’s not like an Eli Lilly representative will be there to push Cialis for players giving the samples.

Is it that they feel that they are not trusted in a game where you are to police yourself? That appears to be the biggest gripe. Maybe that is valid, but fans make calls to the Tour and the USGA from their cell phones on course when they see a questionable play. Just ask Michelle Wie about that one.

It just seems to me that these guys want to be able to go to the bathroom on their own volition, without someone watching, and take all of the junk GNC supplements that they want. While I cannot argue with that desire, they are playing for millions of dollars funded by everyone other than themselves. I think that a trade off of drug testing for potential millions is not that egregious.

It begins this week with the AT&T National, incidentally the event hosted by the guy that first said, “We should start drug testing tomorrow.” Now, it’s time to rehash player complaints that are stale. Bob Harig talks about them.

For the first time, players in the field at the PGA Tour event this week — the AT&T National — will be subject to random tests as part of the tour’s Anti-Doping Program. Urine samples will be taken to determine if players are taking steroids or other performance-enhancing substances, as well as illegal recreational drugs. A positive test can result in suspension for a year for a first offense and a lifetime ban for multiple violations.

Rocco gets in his thoughts:

“It’s the biggest joke in the history of the world,” said PGA Tour veteran Rocco Mediate. “You could sit in the parking lot and drink a fifth of vodka, and you might get a fine. But if you take Vick’s Vapor Rub, you’ve got to go through the whole system. There are all kinds of things. If you drink a protein shake, and it metabolizes wrong, you’re done. It’s stupid. There is nothing we can take to help you in golf.

“We’re not Olympians here. If I take steroids, I’m not going to shoot better scores. I can assure you of that. … I don’t have a problem with drug testing, just the way it’s being done. Why don’t we do our own deal? And they follow you in [to a restroom] to take a piss? C’mon, it’s bull—-. Everybody can cheat all day out here if they want. We can move our ball, and nobody does it. We police ourselves.”

I will agree with him that following guys into the bathroom to watch them pee in a cup is a bit much. But, then again, after the Ontarrio Smith-Whizzinator incident…

Still, I will argue with him forever that there are no drugs that can help golfers.

A lot of players, though, are under the impression that only false positives will be found – not legit steroid or other drug abuses.

“I think the first time somebody tests positive for something, it’ll be something like Vick’s cough syrup,” said Brandt Snedeker, who as a college golfer at Vanderbilt was subject to random drug testing by the NCAA. “We’ve all turned into label readers in the last few months. Guys take supplements, and there are certain things you can’t have.”

Said Billy Mayfair: “They spent a lot of money on this stuff, made it very easy for players to ask questions. They’ve got some great doctors here. They’ve been out here every single week. If a player tests positive, there has to be something funny. These guys aren’t going to cheat. If you test positive, it’s taking something you didn’t know you were taking.”

But Tom Pernice really seems to get it – even if he isn’t playing all that well:

“If you’re going to drug test,” former policy board member Tom Pernice said, “you should do it as sophisticated, as tough and with as much credibility as football, baseball or anybody. Then nobody can say you didn’t do this. Guys are upset about the fact that they have to go pee in a cup and somebody has to watch them do it. It’s just the way it is. Some of the guys take it personal. It’s not about that. We have to do it the right way and the most credible way.”

Pernice offers another reason for testing.

“We need to set a precedent; we need to send a message to the young people playing golf in high school and college,” Pernice said. “The game has become such a power game. Young kids look at the No. 1 player in the world [Woods] and how big he is and how hard he’s worked out. They might take short cuts or try anything. I’m sure Tiger is as clean as he could possibly be. And that’s a big plus for him to go through testing.”

We’ll see what happens…

It is possible. After all, there is one huge problem in the drug testing procedure – you cannot test for Human Growth Hormone (HGH). Simon Hart at the Telegraph in the UK explains:

The introduction of random drug-testing was seen as a way of silencing the whispers about drug use in the sport, but now it has emerged that when the system goes live on July 1 the golfing authorities will not even be testing for HGH, despite evidence that it is one of the most widely abused performance-enhancing drugs in sport.

The omission opens the door for potential cheats to avoid steroids but to take the hormone without fear of being caught. Although HGH appears on golf’s list of banned substances, both the European and PGA Tours have confirmed that players will only be required to submit urine samples. However, HGH can be detected only by taking blood samples.

“At this time the policy will involve only the collection of urine samples,” European Tour spokesman Mitchell Platts said. “Blood sampling may or may not be added at a later date.”

HGH could theoretically give players a physical edge because it enables people to train harder and for longer and to recover more quickly. With so much emphasis in the modern game on power and length, it is easy to see how some players might be tempted.

The admission that HGH will be omitted from the testing threatens to undermine the credibility of the new system. When Player made his allegations, he named HGH specifically as a drug he had heard was being used by at least 10 top golfers.

Bingo. Beta blockers and HGH are the two drugs that players admit could help them, while simultaneously shunning the notion of drug testing because they want to focus on steroids. Why even test if you can’t test for everything that you can detect?

Steve Elling has the story and correctly hinges on the timing of this announcement – after the R&A said they would not be testing at the Open.

[O]fficials at the PGA of America said Monday that drug testing will nonetheless remain part of the picture when the final major of the year is played in August.

Two weeks ago, the Royal & Ancient Golf Club announced that it would not begin testing players at the British Open in July, even though the PGA Tour and European Tour plan to jointly launch drug screening for the first time earlier that month.

The decision caused a minor stir, since the R&A had been vocally advocating testing for years. Instead, the R&A elected to wait until 2009, after the process is debugged and players from other worldwide tours become more familiar with the plan particulars and the nuances of the banned-substances list.

“The PGA of America is informing all competitors in the PGA Championship that the joint substance/methods list is in effect and that the potential for random testing does exist at the PGA Championship,” the statement read [on the PGA website].

Also, read the comments at the bottom of Elling’s piece. Some people’s opinions are hilarious.